Napanista is an Empty Nester! ( Also I am officially a “perennial”)
Homemade cupcakes at sunset, surrounded by friends and family!
Labor Day is behind us. All the kids are back in school. People are putting away their white jeans and straw hats all around the country- except in California. Here we will wear white and continue to sip white wine and Aperol Spritz just a few weeks longer than the rest of the country (and possibly all year). This is just one of the reasons I love California!. The month of August was a crazy event-filled cyclone. I think I have good excuses for the long gap between this post and my last. I am coming to terms with a mega milestone birthday that is concurrent with a new phase that most parents face eventually: life as an empty-nester.
A Wine Country Celebration
First let me talk about that birthday milestone that I was pretty nervous about, and how I celebrated. Oh what joy to be feted by family and friends from all over, who came together for some crazy fun both here in Napa and in the colorful city of Miami. I could never ask for a better group of people surrounding me and celebrating being alive. It made the transition into the next decade quite painless and enjoyable. The party in Napa was held on a sunny Saturday in early August at our house and was coordinated by my amazing party planner and friend, Jennifer Stone. She is truly gifted in event planning and has now helped us with three big lifetime events. I cannot imagine putting on a party without her. Friends from SoCal arrived the day before, and we took them wine tasting at our Coombsville neighbor, Caldwell Vineyard (blog post soon!), and then to dinner at the reliable and steady Angèle. I was so glad they were there the next morning to help with party set up. Even though it wasn’t a complicated party, there was still plenty to do. I had decided the party would be Open House, and it was to be an adult pool party. I was imagining a bit of an Ibiza vibe in Napa. This format made menu planning a little complicated, since I didn’t really know when guests would arrive or how long they would stay. The food was simple. We warmed up empanadas from the empanada guy, Cocina Milonga, at Napa Farmer’s Market (love those empanadas so much, if you haven’t tried them yet, what are you waiting for?). We also had the wonderful Mercadito Taco Truck parked in the driveway. There was a do-it-yourself Aperol Spritz station and a Frosé machine churning out a very potent frozen mix of Candy Rosé, Hangar 1 Rosé Vodka and a secret frosé mix. It was pretty potent and very popular and we were refiling the machine frequently! In the late afternoon, just before the taco truck opened for business, my friend Carissa helped me launch a Caviar pop up with caviar by The Caviar Company, paired with Hanson of Sonoma Ginger Vodka. Have you ever tried a caviar bump? It is pretty insane and super fun - just decadent enough to really get people in a party mood. My truly magical and heart warming moment was when my daughters brought out homemade chocolate cupcakes by Oma and everyone sang to me, just as the sun was setting. I think I attempted a sappy and sentimental speech at that point. Sadly the leftover cupcakes were not put away properly and by the next morning the dogs had helpfully cleaned them up for me (don’t worry, the doggos were ok). The party continued well past sundown into the early hours of the next day. I think it was around midnight that Chef Daniel got behind the stove and whipped up an amazing pot of pasta using a tomato sauce from our garden, and somehow there was enough to feed the crowd of revelers who were still there. The night finally ended with me, my 14 year old daughter, and Sophie, the au pair from Vienna, putting on a dance show. I am pretty sure this was just after we taught Sophie how to saber a champagne bottle. She got it on her first try, which was really lucky since all we had to practice on was Veuve Cliquot!
Miami: Party Like a Rockstar
Now to Miami…I am pretty sure that I “#beat J-Lo”! I had been planning my destination celebration in Miami for almost a year. Two weeks before my party, I started seeing IG posts and articles about J-Lo’s big Over-The-Top celebrity studded celebration. Well, I know that I am not a celebrity, or anywhere close, but somehow I got a little competitive and decided that my Miami party had to be epic and that I could “beat J-Lo”. I didn’t care much for the $140,000 Porsche she was presented by her fiancé, Alex Rodriguez, but I did appreciate his gesture of love to her. I did really liked her Versace gold lamé dress-gorgeous…but I was pretty realistic in my understanding that I couldn’t pull off anything like it. I think the last straw, when I really decided to “go big or go home”, was when I saw an IG post where she was presented with a gorgeous piece by the artist, Rubem Robier (also a friend of ours), whose work I love and have been wanting one of my own for a quite a while.
My own party didn’t have any celebrities, but it had the dearest and most fun friends in the world. We partied for three days straight and it was full of some surprises and unforgettable moments. Read on and let me know if you agree with me that I “#beat JLo”… or at least came in a close second? On Friday night I had requested people dress in 1950’s fashion (as a nod to The Fountainbleau, founded in 1959, and because I really love that era) and we dined at the very delicious Scarpetta. I wore a sky blue vintage dress that I found on a boutique store on Ebay, and paired it with the perfect Valentino heels that I happened to find that day at the shop of the hotel lobby. The shoe gods were truly smiling down. I even wore little crochet gloves and a crinoline. It was so fun to dress up, and a photographer captured the moment on the famous “Steps to Nowhere” that lead from the Fountainebleau lobby to… nowhere! Historically this is where the glamorous party goers would make their big splashy entrance, and that was pre-Instagram! That evening’s entertainment was an ice breaker trivia game we came up with, with little known facts about each guest to discover, and a surprise serenade by my girlfriends to the tune of Hamilton’s “You’ll be Back”.
Saturday we partied in cabanas poolside, where I was bowled over by a presentation of fifteen of “The Husbands” parading and dancing around me to “Its Raining Men”, wearing white speedos emblazoned with an image of my face, and then diving into the pool in a coordinated wave. It was made all the more hysterical by the fact that most of The Husbands have well-earned beer bellies and dad bods- in case you were imagining a near naked Alex Rodgriquez. I do have video of the performance, but I am trying hard to keep it out of public media. If you see it somewhere, it wasn’t me! Saturday night was the “big” party night, and we booked Villa Azur for that. I didn’t really know what to expect of the night, but just hoped for the best. Thankfully, the owners of that venue REALLY know how to celebrate, and by the end of the evening we had the entire restaurant dancing with us, including getting Dr J (Julius Erving), to dance in our conga line. See, just like J-Lo, my party was celebrity studded (even if he wasn’t exactly an invited guest at my party).
The final extraordinary topper was getting the entire group of us past the bouncers into Story Nightclub, where we had table service and DJ Khaled was due to come out any minute. This would have never happened (especially considering we are considered “old” by most bouncers standards) except for some behind-the-scenes work by some very dear friends of ours. I just cannot even describe how it feels to be the center of attention, with scantily clad show ladies bearing sparklers, champagne and a huge marquee sign that reads “Queen Hilary”, along with two handsome young men dressed in Sumo Wrestler blow-up costumes. DJ Kahled finally came out…at 3am. He did some self promotion for a fancy bottled water he is selling, and grabbed his privates a few times and then left about 20 minutes later. Needless to say we didn’t think he was that spectacular, but we all had an amazing evening despite his uninspiring performance. (Oh and by the way, if you are keeping score, DJ Khaled was at Jlo’s party.)
Sunday was recovery day and my husband booked us the most extraordinary house boat for our family to have some quality relaxation. This boat is one of a kind, the only one in existence in the world…and it is for sale. Check it out here: The Arkup It is 100% solar powered, and comes with a captain, a first mate, and a smaller boat for getting to and from the houseboat. We invited whoever was able to rally on Sunday to join us for bagels, mimosas, and to try the hydration IV station (!) while listening to the sweet tunes of incredible hip hop jazz band, Butterfly Snapple.
I just think if you add this all up, I pretty much came close to beating J-Lo. Oh and I almost forgot to say…my awesome husband surprised me with an incredible piece of custom art by Rubem. Note the “No Bad Days” motto in neon lights! Mike drop.
Empty Nester Life Ahead
Now to the sad ending of the summer. We are now empty nesters. We said good bye to our last au pair (we have had so many wonderful young women live with us over the last 15 years). and then we dropped all three kids off one by one. First our daughter to her freshman year at university in DC. It seems very far away!
Next was our youngest for her freshman year at boarding school in SoCal, that seemed more familiar since she is following in the footsteps of her sister, but blazing her own trail.
The final drop off was in Boston, setting our son up in his first apartment. Its very different adventure to set up an empty apartment, versus a furnished dorrn room. We experienced the longest lines at Ikea I have ever seen, missing and damaged furniture deliveries from Wayfair and empty shelves at Target! At least we got the mattress in!
Friends ask me with concern, “What are you going to do with all that free time, will you be ok?” as if my life ends when the kids leave. Kids gone = life over? If a tree falls in the forrest and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound? Am I that tree? Am I that little white dot that remains on the grey screen after you turn off the tv? I don’t think so. It sure is quiet here though, on my first official day as an empty nester. Oh but I love the quiet- lots of free time to write my blog posts for one thing! Yes, I am a little sad, but I am actually excited about this next stage. Less clutter, a fridge that I can have 100% control over and increased freedom to travel with my husband, or read a good book without interruption. Today I pulled off my sweaty clothes in the laundry room and walked to my bedroom naked! (Sorry for that, but its pure freedom and it just felt so good!)
Of course, I will miss them desperately, I love them more than oat milk cappuccinos (and I really love those), but I think I am ready. Is this not the ultimate goal of child-rearing; to prepare our children to be independent and contributing citizens? Aren’t these the skills that we teach from the first day we drop them at kindergarten to the first time we let them stay alone at the house without a babysitter? I’ll continue to pursue my interests, from CrossFit to French lessons. I will spend time on volunteering, writing, cultivating neglected friendships and more time with my husband! I am also going to develop a new section of the blog devoted to San Francisco…stay tuned for that and follow me on IG @SF_by_Napanista
I might feel differently if I didn’t have the comfort of 24/7 connectivity, but this raises the only concern I do have. Will they enjoy real independence? Does it help or hurt that they are a text away? When I left my home, I couldn’t text my mom at any time of day and expect an immediate reply. I couldn’t send a photo of a load of pink wash and ask how to use bleach, or call crying about my roommate who left a mean note on my pillow referencing the moldy pizza slice. I couldn’t text Grandma from the store to ask how to make her famous bolognese. I had to figure things out. When I left home, I was on my own. We had no Instagram, Facebook or Snapchat to stay in touch- we didn’t even have email. I know there will frantic texts that will come mid-workout, then another one in all caps….Will I answer it? Yes, I will. I might let them sweat for 30 seconds or a minute, but I will always answer. I will be there for them no matter what, and I will drop everything to come to their aid, if it comes to that. If I don’t hear from them for a while, I have a solution, offered up by another parent on one of the parent support FB groups I belong to… just send a cute photo of our dogs. It never fails, they always reply to the dog photos.
